How to Deal with Someone Who Doesn’t Want You to Get Well
The decision has been made: the addict has decided to get clean and he or she are ready to take the necessary steps to do so. The problem is there is someone else who is in the codependent relationship that does not want him or her to get well.
In these situations, it is important to know what the components of codependency are and how they are treated in order to find a solution that is beneficial to both parties.
What is it?
A codependent relationship usually has two types of people involved. A manipulator, who is usually the one who is engaging in the use of a substance, and an enabler, who is the individual that encourages the behavior of the manipulator either with or without the knowledge of doing so.
A manipulator will use the influence that they have on their enabler to gain the substances used or money.
The enabler usually has a compliant personality that is caused by a low self-esteem or fear of abandonment or rejection, among other reasons. This person will surrender much of their own morals and identity in order to satisfy their manipulators.
According to California University, the level of the fear of rejection will depend on the importance of the person in the enabler’s life, especially if the person thinks he or she lacks experience in the situation that the manipulator may put them in to.
Codependency & Substance Abuse
A codependent relationship is not healthy to begin with, but when substance abuse is thrown into the mix, it becomes very destructive to both parties. The manipulator is dependent on the enabler to encourage and fuel their addiction and the enabler is dependent on the manipulator for their self-esteem and attention.
This routine continues until something drastic such as death or hospitalization occurs.
Treatment for Codependency
Recovery from this type of relationship occurs when one or the other decides it is time to fix the problem, either on their own or from help or intervention from loved ones. There are different types of therapies that can help with codependency that will work for each.
The best therapy for an enabler would be psychotherapy because it will help him or her to work through the issues that led them to be passive to begin with. The best option for the manipulator would be to seek treatment for their recovery.
Both of these individuals need to seek codependency treatment to learn to develop a healthier relationship. According to the NCBI, one of the best therapies for codependent relationships is behavioral couple’s therapy, which will attempt to reduce the substance abuse while at the same time reconstructing the dysfunctional couple into a healthier relationship.
It takes both people in a codependent relationship to recover, but it only takes one to get the ball rolling. When a manipulator and an enabler depend on each other for encouragement in their addiction and self-esteem, it can be very destructive for all involved.
It is important to seek out treatment not only to rebuild the relationship in a healthy way, but also for each individual to ensure that, both learn how to overcome their own personal issues with a professional.
If you or a loved one is suffering from codependency and needs help, call 800-533-1341 (Who Answers?) to speak with a caring specialist that can assist you.